A lot of people suffer with mental illness, it seems pretty common nowadays and I’m convinced that most people will suffer at some point in their lives. Yet despite there being an increase in interest in the subject a lot of people still don’t fully understand the impact that anxiety and depression can have on a person and their life.
Anxiety and mental health more broadly are personal experiences, what I feel is probably going to be entirely different to how you feel and that doesn’t lessen either one of our experiences.
I do suffer with anxiety and even though I am largely in control of it at the moment it does sometimes rear it’s ugly head and sometimes I act in ways that I am not very proud of.
I’ve recently noticed that my anxiety, and the anxious behaviour I might exhibit, are often mistaken for characters faults and not the symptoms that they actually are. I think that sometimes people judge me on what they see, not really understanding that it’s not personal but something a lot more complicated.
This is my experience and these are things that are often the result of me feeling anxious. Maybe by me sharing these, people will think more about judging people in the future.
Flight // This is the worst symptom of my anxiety and I genuinely wish that I knew how to handle it better because often if I feel uncomfortable with something I will leave or avoid it entirely. Whenever I agree to do something or go somewhere I am sincere in my determination to be there. I never say yes if I really don’t want to be there but sometimes wanting to be there just isn’t enough. It totally sucks because I end up letting people down, getting annoyed with myself and stuck in a spiral I can’t really control.
Say something I later regret // Similarly to the above, sometimes I say things and later wish I hadn’t.
Assume that something is about me // Arrgggh I do this far too much and it really is a horrible thing. I often read tweets, blog posts or over hear conversation and I assume that they are about me. This isn’t because I’m self-centered but because sometimes I feel negative about myself assume that everyone else does too.
Replay things over and over again // If I say or do something stupid I replay this over and over again in my head, embarrassing myself more and more every time. I don’t know how I gain from this but I’m yet to find a way to stop it.
Take things too personally // Yup if you unfollow me on twitter because you don’t like my blog posts, I’m gonna assume it’s far more sinister and convince myself that I must have upset you.
Assume that I am going to embarrass myself // There are certain things that I really should do more of (go door knocking for Labour, go to the gym) but I’m always afraid of embarrassing myself. But it’s more than this really because I utterly convince myself that embracing myself it is inevitable.
Do you suffer with anxiety? How do you deal with it? Any tips for me?