Anxiety is a horrible, horrible condition and believe me when I say that I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy but recently I’ve come to accept it as a part of my world, part of me. A fari weather friend shall we say.
I was inspired to write this post by blogger, Anna who writes A Whole Lot of Chitty Chatter, who recently blogged about her new attitude towards her anxiety. I must confess that for a few weeks now I have felt a similar way towards my anxiety, and with the acceptance comes a new way of handling it.
Pethaps describing anxiety as a friend is a really good idea, because as silly as this sounds, I’m someimes scared of my anxiety. There are certian things, “triggers” if you will, that really kick my anxiety in to overdrive, and if I want to live the life I dream of, there are going to be occassions when I am forced in to these situations. Referring to it as a friend, a negative one and one that really likes to have a dig as often as possible, makes it seem a lot less intimidating.
I’ve tried all the suggested “cures” and while my anxiety has definately got a lot easier to handle and understand, it’s still there and presents itself on an almost daily basis. It’s really rare that I have an “anxiety free day”. Sometimes it’s just a little niggle, an instinct that tells me to be concerned but sometimes it’s a lot worse. A few nights ago I had the worst panic attack that I have had for a long time. Anxiety is a part of me and whether I like it or not, for the foreseeable future it probably will be, and with this acceptance has come a liberating new management method.
Now instead of automatically doing what my anxiety suggests, I question it and like a father might question his son-in-law to be, I ask what it’s intentions are. Regularly it offers pathetic little answers like you might be embarrassed, and when it does give these answers I calmly tell it to do one (an incredibly liberating feeling). On other occassions it will give a genuine and valubale arguement, on these occassions I listen to it and treat it like a loving parent. I might not listen of course, but I bear in mind what it’s saying and use that to maek a decision.
Ultimately my anxiety still makes me who I am, and although it has made me do things that I really regret, I am a stronger and more considerate person for it. I don’t doubt there will be some hard times ahead, and I will continue to battle with this illness, but accepting it makes life a lot easier.
(Starting January I am going to be challenging some of my fears on here each week and sharing the results etc with you. So watch out for these)