I’ve already mentioned that recently I’ve been having a hard time, so I’m not going to go in to much more detail but part of the issue was the appearance of a new man in my life. I tend to struggle with letting people get too close, I’m sure some of you will understand and unable to deal with my anxiety, he swiftly ended things in the middle of my difficult few weeks.
I’ve really struggled with things since he ended it, he and I put a lot of blame on my old shoulders and I’ve really struggled to get over how it ended it. The last week has been an absolute nightmare, but a few days ago I had a bit of a life changing realisation (more to come on Sunday) as I learnt something I should have already known. I went from being needy, constantly texting to feeling completely at ease with the situation and to even feeling free. The thing is texting them is a self-destructing cycle and breaking it is crucial to moving on.
Admittedly this realisation hasn’t entirely ended my hurt and I still have a million unanswered questions but I have finally been able to take a step back. Hand in hand with my personal discovery came the realisation that I needed to move on from this person, unprepared to take sole responsibility for the relationships failure any longer and understanding that it was the only way of me to get on with my life, I made the following basic but life changing moves.
- Delete ’em. Simple, basic but seriously effective, removing your ability to contact them will do wonders for your problem. Now admittedly this is slightly harder considering our media dominated industry, where everyone’s data is now pretty much everywhere and you’ll probably have to remove them from a number of different outlets but nonetheless, this is an effective and necessary first step! Friends on Facebook? Delete them. Follow them on twitter? Unfollow them. Have their mobile number? Delete it. When you contact them, it tends to be on impulse and in a fit of emotion, I can pretty much guarantee that this will alleviate the temptation to message them and hence preventing the additional torture as it gives you time to second guess your actions.
- Write it down. I’ve found this a really effective move and would definitely recommend that you give this one a try! Every time your tempted to shot off a message in any shape or form, write down whether that be in old fashioned ink or in some electronic format but instead of sending it to them, send it to yourself. I find that but they time I’ve written the message the urge has completely subsided.
- Leave the phone where it is. Notice when you tend to feel the urge stronger and learn to take action to avoid acting upon it in those given situations. I imagine that it’s the same for a lot of people but I tend to feel most at risk when I’m sat alone with my feelings or at night time when I’m lying in bed. Regularly I would find myself trapped in my head, texting the person a million times at night and then find myself waking constantly during the night, checking for a reply that I knew wasn’t coming. So I started to adopt a new habit, something really basic but one that has really helped me move on from this sorry situation, I left my phone and laptop in the living room knowing that I wouldn’t make the effort to get it in the night. Hey presto, it’s now impossible for me to send regrettable lonely texts.
- Distraction. Basic, simple but works every single time.
Handle yourself as best you can, let him remember you in a positive light and remind yourself of this simple but effective image.
One day, when your older, happily married with children, having achieved every single thing that you want from life, you and his lives will once again cross paths. By this point you’ll be so happy with your life, confident and successful that he’ll finally realise that he made the biggest mistake.
Do you have any advice that you would like to add?